A lot of people end up having marital delay in life because they did not know when to let go of a bad relationship.
Each time you hold a wrong angle of anything for too long; you miss or delay the opportunity to hold the right angle.
Every one that desires to succeed on earth, have to take marriage seriously like God took it seriously.
When God wanted to start human race, he started by establishing the marriage institution, and when he came down in human flesh to redeem man, he performed his first miracle in a marriage ceremony.
These are not just mere coincidences. It was a deliberate act of God to show how important this institution of a man and woman’s union is.
Also you are not respected much or counted as someone that could be left with high responsibility when you have passed the marriage age and you are not married.
Without a healthy family value, the society will get messy.
I will encourage you to be very particular of whom you choose to spend the rest of your life with and be careful how you treat the one you had already choose to be with because your future peace depends on it.
Keys to identify a wrong Relationship
- Inner dissatisfaction for your partner.
The key thing is that your heart should be completely satisfied with any person you want to spend the rest of your life with before you say I do.
This is not to say, feelings or love cannot grow, but it’s a strong sign or confirmation whether or not you are with the right person.
For instance, you are craving for a particular food, most cases when you eat other food, you still feel unsatisfied until you eat the food you are craving for. That is how it is when you marry someone your heart is not satisfied with; you will be married yet unsatisfied.
I have discovered by experience gathered from my years of counseling many couples, that this is one of the reasons for cheating. Though people cheat on the spouse they claim to love.
When you are thinking of settling down with any person, you should try to satisfy the inner you.
Ask yourself these questions; is this what I truly want? Will I be happy with this person? Am I really comfortable with him or her?
The genuine answers to these questions are the keys to enjoying a peaceful marriage.
Never think of what he or she has, what her father has, or what family they are from.
All these things can be added and can come at any point in your life.
Let him or her be what your soul loves. It is only through that Way you would be happy with your spouse for the rest of your life.
Remember Adam did not yet own the garden and had no authority over the earth before he got married. It was the force that marriage produced that gave him authority on earth.
When your spirit does not completely accept any person and you force yourself into marriage, you will have a life time of regret.
There are things you will not know about a person while still courting, that you will discover after marriage.
This is the reason you should make sure you are truly in love with a partner before marriage, so that even when you start seeing the ugly side of him or her, your heart will not drift away completely. Because you cannot win life battle with any one you are not completely in agreement with. And this is one of the major challenges people face in marriage, they allow issues to get to their heart to the point of resentment for their spouse, and that opens a hole in their marriage walls, and so, they will be threading in the path of divorce.
Unforgiveness is allowing Satan access into your life. We all make mistakes that we regret later, if we can forgive ourselves for the mistakes we make, we should learn to forgive the mistakes of others.
If you are in a relationship that you are constantly asking yourself, “am I sure this will work”’ don’t stay and waste more time, let go of it.
The reason why a lot of people settle for less in their life is because of fear They might not get a better one.
See, build this in your consciousness, you are a child of a King, the owner of the universe. Children of earthly kings knows there is nothing too big for them to ask for, in their father’s kingdom. And they get what they want.
Develop a positive mindset. Don’t settle for less because you think good life partners are scarce.
Yours is reserved for you and the way to identify him or her when they come, is that something in you will welcome them and be comfortable with them. And there will be a complete feeling of satisfaction within you.
- When you are incompatible: to be compatible means to be suitable, in accord, or in agreement.
That is a promise God made to every man.
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
If he or her do not fit, it is not from God and not for you. God is a perfect matchmaker.
Now if you are already married and it looks as though it does not fit anymore. It’s not God doing that, it’s satan, mis-configuring your marriage to miss fit, invite Jesus in, and he will make it fit and remove the shame from you.
Remember, the marriage in Cana that Jesus performed his first miracle? They were about to be put to shame,
Their wine ran out, in the midst of their celebration, but they were wise, Jesus was their guest. And he renewed the wine, to a better wine.
Jesus is the only Guest you can carry along in your life, marriage and relationship; and your life will never run out of the wine of life.
When people are not compatible, their ways are completely different from each other.
One likes this and the other likes the opposite, you want this, he wants the opposite.
As much as you dislike his ways, he also dislikes your ways. If you are in that kind of relationship, please do not even perch your net there, it will not work.
People will say our parents stay married even when they barely knew each other before marriage. But what they fail to realize is that most of them died bittered. And they did not fulfill God’s plans for marriage.
It’s not just staying married that matters, though that is important, but what you achieve while married and the fulfillment of God’s purpose for marriage by raising Godly seeds and setting a good example for them that is what really matters.
Marrying someone you are compatible with is very important because your daily happiness depends on this
- Disagreement/ argument:
Argument is a product of disagreement. No marriage or relationship can be pleasant with constant disagreement.
Disagreement is the greatest threat to marital harmony.
“Two cannot walk together except they agree”. What does that mean to people intending married or already married? Marriage means team work, nothing can work in the hands of a couple with constant disagreement.
How to work on your agreement level in marriage.
a. If you had already concluded issues in your heart before discussing with your partner, it’s always hard to shift grounds. As a married person, keep your opinion open until you have discussed with your partner. You have no right to decide issues within and pretend you are discussing it, when you had already taking a position.
b: Carry a flexible mindset. Even though you thought it will be best to do things in a particular way, always be ready to be open to new ideals. That is the only way to grow.
c: Be ready to give in even if your ideal was best. In relationship or marriage, you can never completely guide your spouse against making mistakes. If you sell an ideal and the other person says no, give in, when he or she try’s it and fail, they will learn from their own mistakes.
d: Always try and explain your point properly. A lot of women feel their husbands do not listen to their advice, but the truth is, most women do not know how to sell their point rather they get emotional. Men work with reasons, reality and they are practical. This is why you will ask a woman, why do you love him, she will reply, I can’t really say, I just love him.
When you ask a man that same question, he will say, I love her because, she is humble, intelligent, it seems she will be a good home manager, she is godly and she respects me. he will give you reason why he is in love. men do things with reasons.
Each time you bring an advice to your spouse, become a marketer, just like a marketer will tell you all the functions of a product, try and make your point attractive, if not, your spouse will never take your advice, and that can bring disagreement in your marriage and slow down your growth rate in all aspects of your life.
- When you are not valued:
I want to start with this, never fight for a spot in any person’s life, because you will keep fighting.
When you marry someone that does not value you, you may have to deal with that for a life time.
For instance, a new car is out that you have not yet owned, you look at it with some much value. When you buy it after 5months it may not mean so much to you anymore.
If you are not valued and respected while still in a dating stage in a relationship. You will never be valued.
Ways to know you are not valued:
a. Abuse: (physical or emotional abuse). When your spouse goes as far as hitting you or talks down at you that shows the value he or she placed on you.
b. Disrespect: when your partner constantly disregards you in the presence of others, know you are not valuable
c. Not wanting to identify with you.
5: When God is out of the boat. No marriage can enjoy peace and fulfill purpose without God on the boat.
I did not say, no marriage can succeed without attending church services, because these are two different things, before Satan starts pointing out all the pastors that had been divorced, and tells you that Christian couples do break up too.
You may succeed in other aspect of life without God, You can make money without knowing or recognizing God, you can be famous without him; most wealthy people in the world are not Godly.
God had already put in place on earth the principles of success, whether or not you know him, when you practice those principles you will become successful,
But no marriage can work without God being the third party. Because marriage was modeled after the trinity.
God told His team members, ‘’Let us make man in our image and after our own likeness and let them have dominion…. the word “Them” in that statement tells you he was talking about a man and a woman.
God has three members, God the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit and marriage was also designed to have three members, the man, the woman and the Holy Spirit.
You can see this clearly in (Malachi 2 15) “’and did HE not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was God seeking, a Godly offspring’’
Marriage was designed in the order of God and can only be complete with him.
For instance you buy a chair that was designed to have three legs and you pull out one leg from it, what will happen? it will become unbalanced.
When you take God out of your relationship you will end up enduring all your life and you will never truly enjoy the peace and the wealth marriage was made to bring.
The marriage practice of the society cannot give peace, 80% of the murder committed in the world are emotional crime.
Husbands killing their wives, girlfriends or boyfriends. It is because a man and a woman’s union were not made to succeed without God.
Never rock your marriage boat without God, it will sink. Any relationship where God is relegated to the corner has been programmed to fail.
The only reason why the couple in the wedding of Cana where Jesus performed his first miracle was not put to shame was because Jesus was their guest.
Satan wants you to take away the honor promised you in marriage, even before you enter it, so he can put you down forever, by introducing you to sin while still dating. Don’t fall for his tricks. He is an enemy.
You can exercise self-control, if you refuse to play relationship the worldly way, trust me, you are not missing anything, the only thing you are missing is trouble, tears and confusion and heart break.