The phrase, “what will be, will be” (destiny) is the reason for failed relationships and marriages in our days. It is not what will be that will be but “what you will make be that will be.” We believe in miracles, it is okay to believe in miracle. You need to know that God has given you the power to work miracles.
Creation is now in your hand, so you can deliberately work a relationship to a successful destination. Nothing happens by chance, a failed relationship or marriage will not happen by chance. It is either there were things that were overlooked at the foundational stage or not properly done. Sure, a successful relationship is not an accident; it takes hard work to have a successful relationship or marriage. Lazy people cannot have a successful relationship because for a relationship to be constantly sweet, we have to please each other and pleasing people is a hard work. Laziness and success never agree. The Bible laid so many references about slothfulness. A slothful hand maketh poor; so a slothful person ends up with poor relationship. Here are a number of steps you take in order to make the best out of your relationship or marriage:
- Believe the best about your mate: The act of believe has a way of focusing your attention to what you believe in. Remember, the number one reason that brought you together is love. Most of the time what your spouse does has its root in love not bad intention.
I had a conversation with a couple that had been married for thirty-five years and they were sharing with me their journey. At a point in their lives, the man was cheating on his wife and that kept bringing issues in their marriage. The husband said, one day he thought within him, “All the quarrels from this woman are simply out of love for me not bad intentions.” Learn to believe in your spouse, even when they fail to keep a promise or fulfill an expectation, he/she is not a failure. The best way to bring about the best in your relationship is to always remember his/her first love towards you and not their last mistake.
Anything you focus on is what your mindset will be developed on. If you say that your husband is very stingy, that is the husband you will have. My husband likes anything on “skirt” he will keep liking every woman. Build on hope instead of despair and trust instead of doubt.
When you love like God, you expect the best; keep aside the wrongs your husband had done in the past and start expecting the best now. The best way to start is a prayer of thanksgiving to God for all the ‘Fruit of the Spirit’ in your spouse’s heart. If it is peace you want, start thanking God in advance for it. If it is joy, patience, goodness, kindness, faithfulness, humbleness, self control etc. all that you desire to see in your spouse, thank God for them. There is nothing you thank God for that can depreciate. As you do that, He will start enriching your spouse with more and more of those qualities. I told you a good relationship is hard work. It will not happen overnight but if you can keep at it, you will see the changes in your relationship/marriage. Always look for the best in your spouse and never look back until you get your desired result.
- Commitment: For your relationship to succeed, you have to be committed. It takes commitment to succeed in any endeavor. Commitment is a dedication to a course, it is a promise made to oneself to succeed no matter the situation. Imagine you say to yourself, no matter what; this relationship will succeed. Having that mind set will make you work on your marriage until it arrives at a peaceful and enjoyable destination.
The proof of commitment is sacrifice. For whatever you do to work, you must be willing to make sacrifice. Find out what your spouse does not like in your attitude and make a conscious effort to change. Commitment is a major key that love in marriage fires up.
- Refill Your Spouse Emotional Bank: Another way to bring out the best in your marriage or relationship is to learn to take every day as a fresh day. Have a word of affirmation for each day. It does not take much to say, you are such a wonderful and a kind man, baby you are beautiful or handsome. Do not say, what will that do? It will do a lot because the relationship or marriage came in the first place as a result of spoken word. Your words are what you use to woo a woman and she accepts through her words. So words also have the power to sustain or break your relationship. Yes, you may have expressed your love yesterday but yesterday’s expression is not good enough for today’s count.
Your yesterday is only a foundation for today’s fresh expression. Be fresh and be creative every day. Look for a new word to say, I love you. Your spouse emotional bank needs refilling. If you do not recognize this, the journey of love could easily run out of gas.
This is one of the reasons cheating is the order of the day now, because many people are sleeping on their relationship. There is a proverb that says “if you eat well at home, you will not go and keep your eyes on food outside.” When you are fully loaded at home, you can afford to go out and refuse food. But if you are hungry, the temptation to accept food is very high. I know there are exceptions to this; there are people that will cheat no matter what you do, that is another topic for those classes of people. It is not normal; they have the spirit of whoredom.
These days, a lot of people are busy looking for money at the expense of important things in their lives. There are a lot of couples that had stopped affirming each other’s love. The contribution for each day is important for the overall success of marriage. Marriage is more than a career; it needs to be handled with diligence; it is a covenant that can even determine your eternal destiny. If you marry a woman or a man that makes you angry and carry unforgiveness all your life, when you die, you will go to hell. For those of us in relationship or marriage, do something new to tell your spouse “I love you today.”
I met a lady in my son’s school that had just lost her husband, he was a lawyer, he travelled to another state for a law case and won; on his way back home he had an accident and died. The memories in her mind are the last act of love he showed her before travelling. You are not about to lose your spouse but always leave your spouse with beautiful memories to carry all through the day and not a bad one that will make them have a bad day. Saying beautiful and pleasant words to your spouse never run out of fashion, the more you practice it, the better your relationship becomes. It is like praising God, the more you praise God, the better of Him you see in your life.
- Never Go To Bed Un-reconciled: Another great secret to bring the best out of your relationship is never to go to bed un-reconciled. This is the way to build the wall of your home against the enemy. You have to learn to resolve issues the same day. Have you noticed, the more you play the tape of an offense in your heart, the bigger it gets? The angrier you get, the more the issue gets magnified.
The Bible says “resolve your anger quickly” unresolved anger is the greatest threat to marital harmony and peace. Many people had lost good relationship because of anger.
Unresolved anger will bring division into your marriage; it can also hinder the Holy Spirit from bringing healing to your hurt most especially when your spouse cheats on you. Only God can actually heal your hurt but if you refuse to let go of the anger, hurts and the betrayal it caused you; the Holy Spirit cannot bring in the healing you need.
For everyone still hurting your spouse by cheating on them, please you have to put a stop to it and run to God for help. Your blessing is not for harlots, it is given to you by God for kingdom advancement and for you to spoil the Egyptians that is, people outside the kingdom. Learn to forgive; it is a commandment not an option. When your spouse offends you, set out time when both of you can honestly speak the truth in love. When you are discussing, try not to say, “You always get me angry” rather say, “I feel hurt when you do this or that” you will find out your relationship with your spouse is better when you practice this.
- Be Grateful: It is so frustrating to keep being nice to an ungrateful spouse. Ingratitude frustrates your effort and passion. How can you do something for someone that does not appreciate any of your sacrifices? You cannot do it for too long. Learn to appreciate and acknowledge your spouse whenever he/she goes out of the way to make you happy.
Any person you do not appreciate, you will lose in no time and your spouse does not need to do anything out of this world for you to appreciate them. Appreciate the simplest thing your wife does. When she goes out all day, comes back home and prepares dinner for the family. She deserves a ‘thank you; though it is what every woman is expected to do. Even if she is a full house wife, she has been shouting since morning trying to correct the kids, cleaning and cooking; appreciate her for it. Learn to say thank you when your husband pays for the children’s fees. Do not feel after all it is his responsibility. Appreciation is the secret for more.
Every spouse love to hear thank you, even if it has been repeated hundreds of time. Gratitude never gets old or wears out. Never assume your spouse knows you are grateful; knowing and hearing is two different things. I have never served my husband food without him thanking me or he has never done anything at home without me thanking him even to the point that if he gives his mum and dad their monthly allowance, I thank him for it. I say to him, you are a responsible man, thank you and may the Lord reward you.
The Bible says out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. You cannot claim to be grateful in your heart and not express it with your mouth. Appreciation is the ladder love climbs unto the top. The more thankful you are, the more loving the environment you create.
- Be Kind To Your Spouse: Kindness creates a conducive environment for love to grow. Kindness involves caring for other people, sometimes more than the way you care for yourself. You cannot be kind to somebody and not win the person’ love.
Look at the story in Gen. 24:18. It tells the story of how Rebecca showed kindness to a man that had travelled for days without perfume. Kindness chooses to speak life instead of death. Kindness finds a way to forgive instead of blame; kindness expresses affirmation instead of condemnation. It is very difficult when the actions of your spouse create negative feelings in your heart but, kindness has the ability to help diffuse pains, rebuild and restore love. For the singles, kindness helps to grant speed to your marital destiny like that of Rebecca.
- Communication: Most people have problems in their relationship because they do not talk things over. Communication is the strength of any relationship. It is the vehicle that drives every relationship to its destination.
(The building of the tower of Babel Gen 11:4-7)
That project was only possible by communication; it cannot also be completed without communication. For God to stop that building, He communicated with the Trinity and said let us go down and change their language. No home or relationship can stand without communication. When you are in a dating stage, ask anything your mind tells you to ask; this will save you a lot of trouble tomorrow. Do not be too much in a hurry to get married that you no longer ask questions or talk about things you do not understand. Communication makes it impossible for Satan to break the wall of your home down.
- Prayer: Prayer is the fuel that keeps your marriage or relationship in motion. A prayer-less relationship is a sinful relationship. Satan always deceives singles that dating is not the time for prayers. They think prayer will make you sound or look local. They prefer to talk about the latest events in town and romantic gist. These will only lead you into trouble, before you know it, he sleeps with you and he feels there is no need to press further. So it is dangerous not to pray in your home about your relationship. If you do not need to seek the consent of the One who instituted relationship/marriage, how do you think you will survive? Constant communication with the Creator of your spouse is the greatest secret to bring out the best in him/her.
- Be Selfless: