- Listen to your inner Spirit: An unfailable relationship begins with making the right choice, the wisdom to know who to follow because the bible says “when the foundation is faulty, what can the righteous do” no matter how solid a brick, when you lay it on a sandy soil, it cannot stand. No building can stand on a foundation that is not solid, so the number one secret of unfailable relationship is for you to make the right choice, knowing who to choose, knowing who to follow, knowing if this is the right one.
Every relationship has challenges but it is easier when you are walking with the right person. Life is tough enough for you to be wearing a tight shoe and be running. Imagine you are running a race and you wear an under shoe, it will burn your leg. If you wear an over shoe, you will run over and leave your shoe behind; so it is so easy when you are running with the right person.
HOW DO YOU RUN WITH THE RIGHT PERSON
These are questions a lot of singles ask, when I meet him/her how do I know this is the right person? I also asked the married women these questions when I was a single person until God started speaking to me.
Some said they cannot put their hand to it but they felt comfortable when they met him. They cannot explain it but they knew they felt comfortable with the person.
Some also said, they had unusual peace within; inner peace.
When God started talking to me that one of the ways to identify your partner; god will witness it to your inner spirit
You know the story in the bible when the Angel told Mary she will be pregnant even without knowing a man. When Mary went to the house of Elisabeth, the moment the baby in the womb of Elisabeth saw Mary he jerked. What made him jerk? Because there was Holy Spirit in the womb of Mary signaling the spirit of Elisabeth carry the baby” John the Baptist”
When you are walking in life and you have God in your Spirit, it signals with your spirit. God speaks to every child that is saved and for you to be saved; it means that you have accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Saviour. God witness it when you accept Him and he gives you the baptism of the Holy Spirit. It means that God is now living inside of your spirit so, He speaks to you. God speaks to everyone on planet earth both saved and unsaved because when God created a man, the bible said “He breath unto him and a man became a living being” anyone you see breathing, God speaks to them but the advantage of a believer is that your spiritual antenna is more alert because He lives in you, He is closer to you.
Example of Saul on his way to Damascus to destroy God’s people; God spoke to him as at that time he was not saved. When Cain killed Abel as at that time he committed the sin he was not saved but God appeared and spoke to him. So God speaks to unbeliever but a believer is more liable to catch it. It is like a magnet; the closer it is to an object, the quicker the catching of that object. Because you are a Christian and you have the Holy Spirit, it is just a nod and when you have that not, how do you know God is conceding to it? He gives you peace. When you are praying over a guy or lady, the Holy Spirit will witness to your spirit, He will speak to your spirit.
A lot of people have stayed unmarried because they want God to speak to their ears; your ear is flesh. There have been times God decided to speak to people audibly especially in the Old Testament because He was not yet living inside a man. God speaks to your spirit and the way you will know is that you will within you that this is the person. The person might not look it but you will just be comfortable with the idea. Though a lot of us has confused material things to be God conceding to it because he is giving you money, you will say this is God, NO; if you are sensitive enough to listen within, you will know if God is there or not. When it was my turn to choose a life partner, I knew; I had unusual peace but when I was in the wrong relationship I also knew. I had everything in that relationship, everyone thought he was the person; when I was saying no, they felt I was mad because he was rich. I was the one that knew he was not because I never had peace until I said no that was when peace came. If you want to know who your life partner is, listen within.
A young woman came to my office that said her marriage was worse than thorns of rose; she has been married for four years and she has never had peace, she said I almost knew I was marrying the wrong person but she never listened. She said she never had peace all through the planning of the wedding. God will tell you but if you refuse to listen, he will let you go. Every relationship is likely to fail without God because they do not apply fully godly principles.
Listening to your inner spirit also helps you to avoid quarrels in your homes, marriage & wrong business.
- Learn to tell yourself the truth: some people see the obvious and they are lying to themselves. Never fight for a spot in a man/woman life, if they want you, let them show it and if they do not show it then, they do not want you. It is not every relationship that will end in marriage but the essence of courtship:- trying to know if you partner with this person will my life be easier. Somebody will be dating you for six months and he has not told you anything serious, he knows what he want but does not know how to tell you especially if the lady is sleeping with him, he will want to keep sleeping with you and when he is tired, he will look for exit plan and he will dump you. Do not let anyone stay too long in your life without telling you anything serious and when any person is in your life, sit down on your bed & think of events, things he does; when a man likes you will know. Men are lions; lions cannot see a prey and be dodging, so a man will go for what he wants. A man cannot be playing around you and says he is just been your friend; he wants to end it as friendship.
Some women do not like truth, they ask “do you like me and the man says no; and they will say you mean you do not love me, the man will say I love you I was joking”. Some women can push a man to saying they love her when they actually don’t. Once you have listened to your spirit, tell yourself the truth.
- Learning good approach: Relationship is not theory, it is practical when it is working or failing you know. A lot of people had good relationship that would have lead to marriage but was ended because of wrong approach not knowing how to handle issues. The way you handle issues in relationship will determine if the relationship will fail or succeed. You can say the same thing and it will mean two different things. When you do not know how to approach issues, it will cause unnecessary issue; you have to use wisdom to know when to talk or not.
Right approach to issues will take issues that will have cause something else and make it to be peaceful. Marriage and relationship are practical and not theoretical so if it is working you will know, try to evaluate your day or week in marriage, if you have two day of minor argument that was well handled; that is a good week, if you multiply that by 52weeks that is a good marriage. Let nobody deceive you that argument will not come because you are both from a different background but if you are in a marriage 5days is a major or minor argument and 2days is joyful then you are having bad marriage because the trouble days are more than the joyful days; it means 5days you could not agree spiritually so the things that God would have delivered to you spiritually He could’ not deliver it. “He says if two of you can agree touching anything on earth, it shall be done in heaven” so you need more days to agree so that blessing will be flowing but if you keep having disagreement then that is not a good marriage; that kind of marriage you will see sickness, poverty, extra marital affair etc because there is hardly Joy, it is more trouble. Evaluate your day/week when you discover the days of argument are much then, you make a conscious effort to improving it.
By experience, I have learnt that shouting and argument does a bad job to marriage and soft word does good to your marriage “Soft answers turn away anger”
- Flexibility: A lot of relationship crashed because rigidity. When you are rigid you cannot make a good spouse; learn to be flexible. Flexibility means the act to adjust to situations and not holding firm to a particular issue. Even in marriage and relationship, listen to what each other has to say and improve it.
As a husband or prospective spouse, always learn to shift position or look at the person’s point of view. Two things happen to men that do not listen to their wives; they either die poor or die young. There is something God placed in a woman that was not placed in am man. A woman has the spirit of discernment in another level that is higher than that of the man, been the head of the house does not mean you take a decision and that is it; sit with her and listen to her point of view. She is not a slave but a team with you, God brought her to you to be a wealth manager so you have to give her room to express herself. Am not saying you should agree to everything she says but allow her to express herself then you go and think over it; you can pick from her ideas.
There are some ladies that are so rigid that is the reason they are not married today even to choosing spouse “ He must be tall, fair etc” relationship is all about flexibility, listen to what each other has to say and improve on it. A good marriage can end in the hand of a rigid person, people that are too rigid makes enemies too quickly; rigid people are always not liked, you will become an enemy to all and even to your spouse. Even when your spouse does not say it in front of you they say it behind you that this person “na rock dey e heart”
Flexibility does not mean to violate your righteous stand or give up your integrity; it means to learn to listen to other people idea. The reason you see a person married and after six months they are divorce is because of rigidity, they come with different idea and no one wants to listen to the other; do not stay in your high esteem. Flexibility also means denying yourself of some comfort in order to win another person over; you have to always sacrifice for your marriage.
(Example of her V.I passes at Experience she gave to somebody and the person gave it to her sister)
It is very difficult for a rigid person to have a fruitful relationship; some people are still single because they are rigid in their choice of spouse.
As a husband, look at how your decision affect your spouse and adjust; if your wife’ input or decision is not important, God would not have brought into your life. Flexibility makes your relationship/ marriage unfailable.
- Develop a sound attitude: Without a sound attitude or knowing how to relate with others, your relationship is bound to fail. Relationship is an attitude test; it is the ground that you test Christianity. It is in marriage you know whether you are a Christian or not because your spouse will offend you more than any other person, learn to develop a sound attitude and expect you cannot have a wrong attitude and expect to have peaceful relationship.
You see a man sees a woman and likes her then two months down the line he does not want to see her again and she will be crying that she does not know what went wrong maybe they are disturbing her from her village NO; it is her attitude. When you hear people say their boss do not like them, it is not about you, it is your attitude they do not like, if you change your attitude that same person will like you. I used to have a boss that never liked me, I was too bold for her liken; to her she was wondering why I was that bold. Sometimes your GIFT could cause you trouble. She never liked me for my boldness “she was my immediate boss” but other oga’s liked me because when I talk it makes sense to them. If I had wanted to win her then, I would have kept quiet a bit because you can win anyone; if you notice what the person does not like you choose whether you want to let off that thing but if it very important you keep it but if it is not important you will reduce it. You can be bold and still minimize it.
The success of every relationship depends on the attitude of the people involved in it. If you learn to think before you react, you will find out that you will enter a relationship and be successful. Because somebody says something to you does not mean you must reply rudely, learn to pause and think before you reply. The wife of T.D JAKES says “If I want to kill a thing, I will ignore it” so, if you want to kill any issue in your home; ignore it.
- Carry a possibility mindset: Possibility thinkers are people that have thrown out the option of failure. Possibility mindset that your relationship, home, marriage must work no matter what happens. Learn to lock the option of the door of failure against your relationship/marriage. Believe in your spouse, relationship and that is FAITH, hope for it because of the hope you are having, you will be able to over look something’s he has been doing because marriage is FAITH. Marriage is diving into something you cannot see but believe it will work because, for you to keep that marriage
On you have to keep to that believe till the end; when you stop believing, your marriage will start failing.
Always believe your marriage/courtship to succeed. When you are going to courtship, always believe your courtship will work, there is a way your believe brings out the whole of you to work out things because your heart is there to bring out force to work it out.
Always carry the mentality that your marriage, business, relationship will work. No great person that did not face challenge.
Carry the mindset that anything you are doing will succeed; success is hard work. Success in marriage is nothing but a constant persistent to do it right; say the right thing, believe the right thing, do the right thing, and pursue the right thing. “If we can believe, all things are possible to him that believeth” Every marriage has its own challenge, it is the mindset that you carry that will determine the success. Anything you do in life, you have to decide you can succeed. Your thinking pattern determines your level of success, a lot of people fail today because of their thought pattern, and they allow what they see to becloud their thought. There are lot of vision that died in the heart of people because of fear, they do not believe it will work; the challenges are just too much. It is people that are bold that are able to wage challenges over and press forward that God shake their hand. God wants us to be bold, zealous and not to take no for an answer.