There are somethings you will know that you cannot start a relationship or marriage then end midway.
They will be a guide to your feet that will lead you to the finished line.
The finish line is when you say goodbye to your body in old age and you have raised a generation that will also finish well.
I will be discussing the two key baton that help to lead relationship to a successful destination.
(Baton is a hollow cylinder passed from a runner to another runner in a relay race)
Baton is that stuff use in a relay race. You know that rod athletes pass in a relay race.
One will run, give it to another and to the other until the finish line.
When you run without it, you may get to the finish line first but you are not going to be pronounce the winner
What I will be sharing with you, when you carry it along in your marriage and relationship they will ensure you win.
There were two instruction that was instructed by the institutor of marriage that ensures a successful relationship
1: Love: Do you know why there is a high rate of separate and divorce these days? it is because people do not love any more.
They use other criteria to choose a life partner. Instead of just one thing, LOVE.
God gave two secrets to work relationship, He handed one over to the head of the home and the other to the wife but that did not mean the one handed to the husband can only be used by the husband and the one to the wife can only be use by her. Both are to use the tool to work it.
And one of them is love.
Love is the greatest commandment on earth and is the greatest success secret that works God’s first institution on earth.
No relationship can survive without genuine love.
What does it mean to love someone?
Love means giving up yourself for another: ” husbands love your wife just like Christ love the church and gave himself up for her”
How did Jesus gave himself for the Church?
All through His time on earth, He lived His life to achieve one thing which is to save the church.
All His effort was channeled towards that, He lived, work, prayed, beaten, all for that purpose and He eventually died for that purpose.
God the father showing what love is, He love and gave His only.
So when thinking of love, you think of sacrifice.
Also, when thinking of a life partner, you should be looking for someone you can live for, pray for, give up for, work for, work with and die for.
Not someone you can live on. If we all carry this mentality, there will not be a word called divorce, because divorce is a product of selfishness.
When someone says I love you on the same day they meet you, before you open your teeth to smile as though they are saying the truth think; can this person give up himself for me or herself for me?
The one who created the world has shown you the format of love, and instructed the head of the house to initiate it so others can follow.
Don’t say, Christ could do that because He is God, He has just one opportunity to live in the body, just like you too. He will never return again as human again, just like you too.
Love is deeper than you see it, and this is the only thing that can work marriage.
Love means, giving up everything for another. It means your eyes become single.
If you claim to love and you still cheat on your spouse, sin, you are not in love, you only thought you are because “love seek not it own; love is kind”. Cheating is painful, there is nothing kind in it. If you actually gave up yourself, you will not do that, cheating is self seeking.
If you follow the instruction to love, you will get to the finish line in peace because love forbids all the things that cause divorce and troubled marriage.
God described himself as love.
a. We know God hardly give up on people that is why evil people still get blessed. God gives both to the good and evil.
People break up because they had given up on each other.
b. God gives no matter what. People break up because of an offense they refuse to let go.
Romans 5:8 “For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” when you love, you can still sacrifice your life even for an imperfect spouse.
c. God is selfless. The major cause of divorce is selfishness. 1Corinthians 13:5 says “love does not seek it own” a lot of relationship ends because the people involve are self seeking. No one wants to leave their high horse.
d God is faithful. Unfaithfulness is another strong cause of divorce.(Love think no evil.Cheating also mean fraud, we all know fraudulent act is evil)This is more evil because, it not only hurt your spouse, it hurt God, it hurt your children and glorified satan.
e. Patient (I Corinthians 13:4 “love suffers long) if you are not patient it means you are not in love. You have to be very patient even till a long time waiting for a part of you to be healed.
If anyone is sick, they are patient to pray and believe until the end. You cannot say I keep having headache let me cut my head off. So we all ought to wait until our spouse grow up.
(Love suffereth long, and is kind; love envieth not; love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
Verse 5: Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not its own, is not provoked, taketh not account of evil;
Verse 6: Rejoiceth not in unrighteousness, but rejoiceth with the truth;
Verse 7: beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
Verse 8: Love has no end)
Love is the baton that takes you to the finish end because love has no end.
Love also operates the law of seed and reaping. If you sow love, you will sure reap it.
God tried it with His son; He sowed His only and reap a lot of us back to himself.
When you sow love in your home, you will reap it.
Love is a decision not a feeling. You decide to love. God said I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy. He chooses who to love. Is not what they do or don’t do.
Feelings are not constant, anything can change your feelings, and you can be happy one minute and be sad the other minute.
So when you hear somebody says to you “I want you” because you make me feel somehow, that is not strong enough to agree, because he can feel the reverse the next minute if you misbehave.
As a married person, decide to love your spouse, no matter what he or she does.
How to make your spouse fall in love with you daily.
a. Honor them in private and in front of people
b. Go out of your way to please them; it is natural to respond to right treatment
c. Look well: the eyes that love also sees great things
d. Speak positive words. Nothing destroys love like negative words. Each time you speak to your spouse in a rude way, you make them farther from you.
e. Spend quality time together
f. Kiss them when they are least expecting it.
g. Become a helper: everybody on planet earth love help because it increases you and give you a relief. Laziness is repulsive. Look for a new way to support your spouse daily.
The work your husband does may be stressful, you can physically help him; when he returns back home become his stress reliever. Put on a bright countenance, it is the worst time to complain about things that are not working at home. Assist him to have a good bath to relax.
When you see your wife is busy with so many things, help her out. Nothing make your wife to feel good like when you help with house chores.
We know Africa tradition did not support that, but that rules was made by men who never knew God, so they collaborate with satan to oppress women and dis-empower, the power of togetherness in marriage.
Satan has a strong hatred for a woman and marriage because until she came dominion was not given to man over him and the earth.
Become a strong contributor to your spouse life, let your spouse have reason to seat and thank God, you came into their life.
The most important thing in a human’s life is when they become a blessing to another person’s life.
God is always interested in that. He wants you to become like him, because His nature is to help.
See what He says in
(1 Corinthians 14:4)”The one who speaks in a unknown tongue builds up himself, but the one who prophesies builds up the church” Now I want you all to speak in tongues,(that means it ok to build up yourself) but even more to prophesy. ( to build up others)The one who prophesy (who build up others) is greater than the one who speaks in tongues,(who build up himself) unless someone interprets, so that the church may be built up.”
And the first person that you should be a blessing to, should be the man or woman that chooses to entrust their life to you.
The greatest relationship secret is a scripture that says “love your neighbor like you love yourself. (Your closes neighbor is your spouse who is a part of you)
If only you could pause and think, any time you want to say a word or do anything that will affect yourself, if she did this to me will I be please and if the answer is no then you stop.
Our marriage, relationship and our society will be a better place.
Anything that you see today in our society is a reflection of that smallest unit of the society ( the home)
We learn greed from home, selfishness, lies. We are all product of our environment.
When a child is born, he/she is empty fresh and innocent. All you see in him or her later in life is what they pick from home, school and others.
Live your life for your spouse. This is specially an instruction for men, let every man so love his wife as himself as Christ love the church and give up his life for her.
The leadership role God gave a man over his home is not to lord over them but to serve them.
Christ show this to us, He is our mediator, helping us to talk to our father. He also died that we may live because of so much He is doing for us, we have no choice but to honour him.
Ephesians 5:33 “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband”
This instruction was given to couple because God knows respect will naturally sustain love.
No one can love any person that do not have respect for him, and it will also interest you to know that you cannot love a man or woman you do not respect either.
This is why when choosing a life partner, ask your self is this a man or woman I can respect.
If you marry a spouse you do not have respect for, you will misbehave.
For you to keep enjoying love from anybody you must show them respect.
Mutual respect is very important in a relationship. Without it, your marriage will fail is only a matter of time.
How can you know people that will respect you.
a. With the way they respect self; You may say what this has to do with relationship success.
It has a lot to do with it, because you are involve and when you are not valued and respected over time, crisis will come up in your relationship.
Research had shown people cannot value others when they don’t value themselves.
See, for a 50 years old man to pull his pant for a 22years old girl, is first of all a self disrespect before it spouse disrespect.
For a married woman to sleep with another man is disrespect for self before it for her husband.
Never marry a man or woman that doesn’t respect him/herself, because they will not respect you either.
b. The way they treat others around them at the moment; their parent, siblings, people.
3: The way they respect their maker. Any person that sins with you, will sin against you. If you meet a man or woman that is willing to break God laws now for you, they will do it against you
When you see anyone respect another so carefully, it is because they love to be respected themselves.
Leaning to value yourself, it will in turn help your relationship and your partner in a very healthy way.
Ways to earn people or spouse respect.
a. Right words. If you know how to talk right, people will respect you including your spouse.
This is very important because every relationship is established and spice up by words.
Remember when you first met your spouse, or when you meet a new friend. You choose your words carefully and talk to please and impress them.
To ever win their respect, you have to learn to ever choose your words when relating with them.
Anytime you see marriage failure, it is as result of wrong words and attitude failure.
80% of relationship success depends on words. Come to think of it your marriage is a product of words. So it will only take that to be established.
b. Wise attitude: “(1 Samuel 18:5 “And David went out whithersoever Saul sent him, and behaved himself wisely: and Saul set him over the men of war, and he was accepted in the sight of all the people, and also in the sight of Saul’s servants.”
People always take you for your disposition.
(proverbs 14 :35) A servant who deals wisely has the king’s favor, but his wrath falls on one who acts shamefully.
Any time you see a wife can comfortable insult her husband, without looking back, is mostly caused by two foolish actions. Cheating on her and not providing for his house hold. Both are foolishness
( the bible says a man that is unable to provide for his family is worse than a fool)
If you want to earn your spouse respect forever, you should show yourself some respect.
The reason why a man will tell a woman, “if you don’t want to have sex with me the relationship is over” is because he has somehow seen you are looking for where to dump yourself.
You determine the respect others ascribe to you.
If you can respect yourself and your spouse, your relationship and marriage will get to a successful finished end and loving your spouse till death do you part.