Marriage is a covenant or agreement between a man and a woman to share life together and to accomplish common purpose.
It was the first institution God established on earth for the purpose of continuity and for continuous effective leadership
The desire to be great and to produce great off spring starts from the home. Your home is the most effective place to incubate great leaders. The first leadership experience any child will have is from both parents.
Children naturally learn and pick habits from parents.
And because children grow to pick habits after their parent, who you chose to co- parent with is very important.
If you practice order, your children will learn orderliness, if you practice love and respect that will become their natural habits.
All these characteristics are attributes an effective leader has to cultivate.
Any child that grows up in a healthy environment always has an edge over others. They grow up with attitude that others takes a lifetime to cultivate. And always people feel comfortable to give responsibility to disciplined and diligent individuals.
The best time to learn to be disciplined is our formative years and parents play a large role during those years.
When people tell their spouses “I am done”, “and it is over”, because they are faced with challenges in their marriages, it is not healthy for the next generation. In human life, challenges are normal and quitting is never a good solution.
You have to learn to be strong and manage every challenge that comes your way. Never quit your marriage because you are faced with challenges, quitting will rob your children of an irrecoverable experience of having both of their parents not living together.
Check the history of all the good leaders all over the world, they are people with good moral background, with mother and father living together.
Out of the 44 Presidents that have ever ruled America only three (Obama, Clinton and Ford) had divorced parents. And they were still raised by good grandparents living together; and out of the 44 only one has been divorced.
You need the foundation of a healthy and working marriage to emerge a strong and effective leader.
Marriage is beyond you and your spouse alone, it has a lot to do with the future of your children and your nation.
Look beyond you and your partner when making decisions.
99 % of all the serial killers in the world came from a broken home.
The more of working and healthy marriages we have, the more of responsible leaders we will produce for effective leadership,
The reason we do not have listening leaders in this part of the world is because they also never had listening parents, which was their first leadership experience. Because you cannot give what you do not have.
Seven laws to build a healthy marriage.
1: The law of love: Love is decision, not just feelings. Feelings are not constant.
You can be very happy one minute and be unhappy the next minute, because a lot of things can control your feelings.
What will hold a union together for a life time should not be anything that is subject to change.
You must make a conscious decision to stay in love.
The reason for high divorce rates in our society is because we have reduced love to a mere feeling, so when our spouse is of their best behavior, we love and stand by them. The moment we see contrary behavior, we are done and it’s over.
Let’s use God as an example. The other name of God is love. God does not only love the people that love him.
There are thousands of people all over the world that do not recognize him, yet he blesses them.
The greatest of all blessings in this world, is life itself; and that he gives to bad people and good people.
He does not only love people that are of their best behavior.
You should love your spouse’s best behavior and also accept his worse side that is the secret to staying married
Love means giving up yourself for another. No relationship can survive without genuine love.
2: The law of submission:
Submission is an act of sub-rendering power to another.
This is the greatest principle that ensures peaceful co- existence in a home. Without submission, chaos is inevitable.
In most African primary schools and colleges, every class has a class prefect, which is usually appointed by the class teacher.
His role is to report misconducts. Each time any pupil disobeys the class prefect; the teacher will discipline or punish the student, because the student has not only disobeyed the class prefect but the authority that appointed him as a leader.
Though a man and woman have equal rights in marriage, the man has been appointed a leader by the institutor of marriage.
Each time any woman disobeys this order in marriage, she will face hitches in her relationship with her man.
Some foreign laws may force husbands to pay bills, and there may be punishments for some misbehavior, but the law can never force a heart to love,
If you must win your spouse’s love and enjoy a peaceful marriage you must learn to submit to one another.
Both parties must learn to submit their will to one another that is the secret of a peaceful and sustainable family.
3: The law of giving: The principle of giving says, you get back what you sow
The outcome of every relationship is largely dependent on the quality of investment.
The reason you see so many people are so committed to the gospel of Jesus Christ today is because of the quality of investment He invested in their lives. He gave up His own life for us all.
If you truly give up your all to a spouse you carefully chose, he or she will in turn give in their best.
One of the quickest ways to get your desire in marriage is to become what you desire.
Any positive change you want to see in the relationship with your man or woman,
You first become the change you desire, it is only a matter of time, you will see your desires come to pass.
4: the law of positive words:
Every relationship is established by spoken words, and can only be sustained by positive words.
You cannot speak negative words and expect a positive action.
Most of the troubles we face in our marriages are as a result of words that were not properly spoken.
Words are majorly our medium of expression.
Learn not to be quick to speak negative, no matter the crisis you are going through in your marriage.
Every negative word you speak to your spouse comes back to haunt you.
One of the ways to manage crisis in a relationship is to manage what you say at the time of disagreement.
There is a lady I came across sometime ago; she said she had lost a lot of good relationships because of negative words. Each time she gets angry she will say something nasty, even when she apologizes after, they still end up leaving her.
It is very tempting to speak negative, when we are angry but learn to manage it.
Positive words are the gas that runs marriage to a successful end.
Each time you hear marriage failure, it is as a result of negative words and actions.
Be polite when talking to your spouse; make sure you are not disrespectful with your words.
Every negative word you speak to your spouse takes their heart farther from you.
Positive words will create your desired home.
Ways to learn to speak right.
i. Think right about your spouse
ii. Learn to overlook wrongs
iii. Speak inward when you cannot control the urge to speak
iv. Always remember every negative word you speak to your spouse, drag them away from you.
5: The law of selflessness.
To build a healthy marriage, you must take attention off yourself.
No selfish man or woman can make a good spouse. The other name for divorce is selfishness. To build a healthy and a peaceful marriage you must learn to be selfless.
6: The law of sacrifice: Every good marriage is a product of sacrifice.
Sacrifice is when you deny yourself of some comfort; to make another person feel better.
This is a sure engine that drives a relationship to a successful end.
God made a sacrifice of His son, thousands of years ago, and he is still daily reaping souls till tomorrow. You can never go bare handed on sacrifice especially the one you make to keep your family together
7: The law of forgiveness
Your relationship will forever lose flavor if you do not learn to keep offences away.
Each time your spouse wrongs you, let the offence pass with the season.
God uses nature to teach us how to live our lives,
In each day, you have morning which naturally gives way for noon, and noon gives way for evening. Just the same way time comes and goes, let offence and issues in your life follow suit.
No matter the sun in the noon, Evening will come with its coolness. The hotness of the Sun can not affect the peace the calm evening brings.
If you can build your marriage after that pattern, you will forever be at peace and also live a healthy life.
Living with offences is the most backward life any one can ever live,
You allow Satan to trap you to a season, though you may be in your evening season, you cannot enjoy its glory because you are still tied to your morning. Every season has its glory.
When you hold offence, it can rob the entire marriage of its happiness and togetherness.
But when you make forgiveness a habit, your marriage will not only be durable but enjoyable.
Forgiveness is the major ingredient of a successful marriage.