- POSITIVE WORDS: This is the most powerful tool in building love in a relationship. The way you use your tongue can make and mend your relationship with your spouse. Your words control your life. Some people think is actions but it is words that give expression to your thought and actions. You use words to express your love, displeasure, and satisfaction etc.
Some marriages are in a mess today because of words that were not properly used. If you want a makeover in your home and relationship, pleasant words will do the magic. The Bible says “Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and health to the bones.”
In my own words, “Pleasant words are like honey to your marriage, strengthens your relationship, and brings the best out of your spouse.” You cannot sow good words into any relationship, and reap a wrong action as a reward. Learn to speak good and pleasant words, no matter how unhappy you are. The Bible says, “…soft answer turns away anger.” Satan has no power over your life until you invite him by your words.
How To Grow Love With Your Word:
a) Learn to affirm your spouse with your words, your spouse’ emotional bank needs refilling.
b) Learn to appreciate your spouse no matter how little their sacrifices. A spouse you do not appreciate, you will soon loose. The word, “thank you” should not be far from your lips.
c) Learn to praise your spouse often.
d) Learn to speak positively into their future.
e) Learn to encourage your spouse. Some people have been told negative things all their life; they need the encouragement of their spouse. You are a powerful force in the life of your spouse.
The late pastor Bimbo said “The miracle of every man is in the mouth of his wife.” Do not swallow up the destiny of your spouse with your mouth.
- CHARACTER: There is nothing that destroys love like wrong attitude. Wrong character will bring your relationship down faster than unfaithfulness will do.
Your character is the prophecy of your future; you can know or predict any person’s future by their character. Intelligence or beauty can attract any person to you but it is character that will sustain it.
There is a Bible story of the ten virgins see, (Matt. 25:1-13). The wise ones had oil in their lamp that kept them all through the night while they were waiting for their groom. That oil is likened to a good character which is the fuel of any relationship and marriage. It will interest you to know that this parable by Jesus was used as an illustration concerning marriage. The foolish ones did not have enough oil to take them till the marriage time.
Some people think there is a force holding down their marital destiny, not knowing it is their attitude, their value system, their thoughts and words. Character is the oil that will keep your lamp burning till the marriage day and also keep the marriage alive to its destination.
Keys to Develop Good Character:
a) If you must have a good character, you must be truthful to yourself, and you must develop self-control.
b) You must learn to take responsibility of your feelings; if you keep transferring responsibility of your feelings, you will not develop a good character.
c) You must own your behavior, if you do not own your behavior; you will not change your character.
d) You must own your choice.
e) You must know your limit; for instance, you are in a relationship with somebody that keeps provoking you to act wrongly, you should be able to know what you can take or quit.
f) You must load yourself with the Word daily and meditate on; this will help you develop a good character.
3. PHYSICAL TOUCH: One of the forces that grow love in a relationship is physical touch. Most people in our part of the world never get to touch their spouse except during intercourse. Physical touch makes your spouse feels loved, special and appreciated. It is not only during sexual intercourse, that you should hold or touch your mate, if that is what you do, you make your spouse feel used and sex will soon be a normal routine.Physical touch brings intimacy in relationship and home. For people in a dating stage, you should hold hands and hug your partner whenever possible but this is safer in public places. Some women are even shy to touch their own husband, your man may be looking like macho, but he still loves to be touched.
Learn to appreciate your spouse with words, and let it graduate into physical touch. For instance, when two people want to start fighting, they first start with words of insult and later physical contact, which shows it has gotten worse. So also it is with your relationship. Words introduce appreciation but touch deepens it.
Touching shows the depth of your words of affirmation. Anytime my husband walks into the house from outing and I happen to open the door for him, I go close to him to hug him and that makes him feel special and appreciated.
People could feel depressed when not appreciated including your spouse. Develop the habit of always appreciating your spouse with physical touch. Physical touch brings intimacy to your home and grows love in relationship.
- GIVING: When you give to your spouse, you show care and that brings intimacy to your relationship. Giving spice up relationship, it is a proof of love. John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that He gave…”
You cannot love without giving; but you can give without loving. LOVE and GIVING goes together. Giving in a relationship is as important as breath is to human. Any relationship or home where love is not expressed in giving dries up in no time. Any relationship where giving is not expressed, makes friction inevitable. Note that giving is not only in material things alone, there are so many ways you can express giving other than material things. Also note giving should be from both parties, male or female. Some women believe men are the ones made for giving.
Ways You Can Give
• You give when you spend time with your spouse; you have given your time.
• You give when you pay attention to details in your spouse’ life; you have shown your care.
• You give when you share intimate time with your spouse; this is for the married, sex is a mystery, it builds intimacy in marriage and destroys relationship outside marriage.
• You give when you listen.
• You give when you forgive.
• You give when you respect your spouse.
• You give when you honour each other with presents.
• You give when you kiss your spouse.
• You give when you speak positive words to your spouse.
• You give when you encourage your spouse.
• You give when you take your spouse out for a nice time.
• You give when you are not selfish or proud.
- OPENNESS: Secrecy is Satan’s strategy of destroying relationship. Openness helps build love and intimacy in homes and relationship, it is the only sure foundation for trust and trust is the pillar that love, stands on. So, without openness, love has no fertile ground to grow. Relationship is nakedness before each other. Gen 2:25 says, “they were both naked, the man and his wife and they were not ashamed.”
It was openness that made Eve to give Adam the forbidding fruit, if it were some women of these days, they will eat it in secret and in their thought, they will say “let me be wiser than him, so he will be my mogu’’. When the serpent deceived her in the Garden in Gen 3:1 he did not say to her, “give to your husband”. When you are opened to your spouse, no third party can come in between you.
You determine what you attract. If you introduce openness in your relationship, your spouse will learn to be open. If you want openness, you give openness.