Starting a relationship is cheap, but sustaining a peaceful relationship is what is usually not cheap. Here are some truths that will help you build a sustainable relationship
- Following God’s Standard.
The life you will live all through your adult years will be as a result of decisions.
Where you are now is as a result of the decisions you made yesterday, and the tomorrow after now will be as a result of today’s decision.
Most of the problems men face in life is always as a result of disobedience. Not doing the right thing.
Every relationship will be peaceful if the parties involved will obey God’s instructions about dealing with their partner.
The bible says love your neighbour as you love yourself, your spouse is a neighbour within you.
If you will love your spouse the way you love you, you will never have any hitch in your marriage.
If you will learn to think for them, put yourself in their shoes, respect them, refuse to be selfish, and love them. Your relationship will be a lot much better.
You see, Christians are having problems too in their homes, because they are not wearing the whole armour.
(Ephesians 6:11”Put on the whole armour of God that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil”
Verse 13: Therefore take up the whole armour of God that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.
You can put faith in and leave Righteousness, what that means is succeed in one aspect of life and but fail in other aspect,
We must learn to follow God’s standard of relationship if you will have a marriage that is admirable.
When you can endure and look away from the worldly way of relationship, you will be happier, live a more peaceful life, blessings, upright -children, long life above others.
What does carrying God’s Standard means to a married couple?
- Treating your spouse the way you love to be treated. Love your neighbour like yourself.
God created marriage, so you could have someone to partner with, to help you succeed in your life goals and you cannot enjoy good partnership without fairness. No partnership relationship can survive when one party is not fully involved in the business.
For you to enjoy an endurable relationship, you must learn to be fair in judgment in the way you treat your partner. So treating your spouse right is carrying God’s logo in your marriage.
- No partnership can survive without respect for your partner.
- No partnership can survive without trust.
Singleness is not a curse, don’t have sex before marriage that is what God expects from your relationship, if you have this in place and others are lacking, you will still end up having stress.
- build up yourself
In order to build an enduring relationship, you have to build yourself up, because our relationship with others is a reflection of who we are on the inside. Nothing tests attitude like relationship. Marriage is an attitude test.
Those days, parents were particular about training female children to be homely and respectful because they know those training will be put to test in marriage and also training their male children to be strong and hard working so they can take care of their family.
So you seat down and think of the things you do that usually cause issues between you and your partner, or if you are not yet married, those things you did in your past relationship that brought argument resulting to the gradual end of that relationship.
Then begin to work on them, some will need prayers because you do them without even knowing and for others you have to be conscious of them,
It could be, not appreciating things, it could be argument, anger, unforgiveness, selfishness, disrespect, lack of manner, etc; work on them.
Build up a good personality because, that is all that counts in a relationship.
Ask yourself “who Am I?’’ ‘’ How do others perceive me? ’’ People fall in love with a person not things.
No matter how much you pray, without developing a loveable personality, you may keep having problems. Though, prayers can help you, in some ways.
Work on your tolerance level, because you are going to need it in building a relationship that will stand the test of time.
Work on your manners, it always count, especially as a woman, men dislike women that don’t know how to talk to them.
It is very important that we are well mannered. Developing a good manner of approach is important (a lot of homes are in crisis because of the manner of presentation of issues).
David was a man after God’s heart not because he was a perfect man because of the manner at which he approached God.
I understand you can come from a background where you are used to talking to people with disrespect, but you can choose to work yourself from one wrong path of life to a better one.
All things are possible; if only you can believe. This is very important to every relationship success. Building yourself will in turn help your relationship and your partner in a very healthy way.
And for you to successfully improve on your values, you must be honest, most people do not change because they refuse to accept there are areas to work on, in their own eyes they are perfect and if they ever had issues with any person, that person must be the one at fault.
Most of the people that did not have so much but later become so great in biblical time were because of their personalities
a. David :
(1sam 18:5) ‘’And David went out whithersoever Saul sent him’’, (he was obedient, that is a good personality) he behaved himself wisely and Saul set him over the men of war and he was accepted in the sight of all the people and also in the sight of Saul’s servants.
1sam 18:14 ‘’ And David behaved himself wisely in all his ways and the Lord was with him. Wherefore when Saul saw that he behaved himself very wisely, he was afraid of him’’.
b. Joseph:
As a servant in Portiphar’s house, was so well behaved that he was placed over everything. Do you notice, people tend to favour and love people with good behaviour over others.
You can get married today and be so loved by your partner, whether or not that love will continue depends on your daily attitude.
The same way people fall in love, people can fall out of love because of wrong attitude.
You determine how others treat you, no body respect you more than you present yourself.
Even in marriage, your attitude will determine how your spouse will forever treat you.
- Have a marriage vision.
Having a marriage vision will help you in a great way in building a marriage that will stand the test of time.
Have you ever sat down (whether you are married right now or single), envisioned the kind of marriage you want to have?
If you have a marriage vision it will stand as a guide in choosing a marriage partner. Marriage will not just be an escape route out of singleness for you, but a serious affair.
You should have a picture of the kind of marriage you want to have in your head, no matter how far the present situation may be from it right now, let that be your motivation.
With that picture in your mind, you will pray more, behave better, respect your spouse more, put in more in your home and if you do not quit, in no time you will have what you desire.
Having a marriage vision is very important in building a marriage that will last forever.
One of my greatest motivations in this work is because of the vision I have on my head.
Most of the successful couples I have chatted with, they always say, we made up our mind that nobody will come and settle us in our marriage, because of that vision; they learnt how to manage and settle issues within them.
Having a marriage vision will help you to manage crisis in your home,
I was counseling a woman, she was going through a lot in her marriage, but she said to me, “I am ready to work out my marriage, my mother married two husbands, but while growing up I had made up my mind that I was not going to have a broken marriage. Because of that promise she made to herself she was ready to stick to her husband until her situation changes
God said, without a vision the people perish, and in my own words, without having a marriage vision, marital success is uncertain.
What is your marriage vision? Picturing the full reality of your marriage future before it begins. Having a desire of your marriage in your head, so clear a path that you can follow
God is always willing to give you the desires of your heart which is in accordance with His will. God said I hate divorce, and that is your desire, He will make it to come to pass.
When you have a marriage vision, you will be willing to wait for the right person; you will also be willing to do it rightly.
- Avoid comparison: There is nothing that kills contentment like comparison.
If you want to build a marriage that will last forever and be happy all through, do not compare your spouse with someone else’s spouse. It will kill your joy faster than infidelity will.
The bible says “it is unwise people that compare themselves with another.
Most of the time it is unfair judgment; you are always comparing the other person’s strength with your spouse’s weakness, because you are not privileged to see the other person’s weakness.
For instance, you cannot see a lady on the road well dressed, and say this is the kind of woman I should have married, and say in your heart, “when I get home now maybe my wife has not even brushed her hair today”. But the fact is you are not privileged to see that lady in her house too. Or even if you do, maybe she has access to things that will beautify her more than your wife does. So it is not the same situation, you cannot compare.
Never compare your life with another person’s life; it is the fastest route to ingratitude and unhappiness
There will always be someone better than you, richer than you, more good looking than you, so it is unwise to compare.
A lot of people keep comparing their spouse to others, and some even go as far as telling their spouses.
Comparing your spouse with another person discourages them from putting in their best in the relationship.
Don’t even compare in your heart, rather be thankful, if there is any attribute you desire in your spouse or marriage pray and work it in.
Your relationship and marriage is all you make out of it, No relationship is made in heaven, it all worked here on earth.
You determine the fragrance your own brings. It can be stormy all through, if you choose, or can be rosy all through, it is your choice.
- Put in your all:
Marriage is not a matter of one put in 50% effort and you put in 50% effort but, both parties putting in their 100% effort.
For your marriage and relationship to be exceptional, you must learn to give all you got.
Do not hold back anything and say” in case of divorce or separation, because, you will always have what you planned for”.
Never nurse divorce in your sub-conscious, if you do, you will have it in your consciousness.
Never say in your heart, let me be careful in case the unexpected happens; it discourages you to invest more.
And know you always have the measure of your investment.
When you put in your all into anything, you do everything to keep it save.
They say ’’don’t put all your eggs in one basket,” I say put all your eggs in one basket and watch it diligently.
God did not have two sons. And sent one to die for you and reserve the other, He had only one son and gave him up as a lamb to be sacrificed for us all.
He had since then has so much son and daughters as returns on his investment.
Putting 100 % into your marriage was the secrets our mothers used to keep their marriage together, though so many of them were treated so fairly! They made up their minds it was their last bus stop and indeed it was.
A lot of people get into relationship with reservation, either because of past relationship experience or other people’s experiences.
While it may sound as the wise thing to do, it could also be the undoing of such relationships.
Giving your marriage all you got is one secret you can never lose on.
- Let go of offence:
Your relationship will forever lose flavour when you always keep offences.
Each time your spouse wrong you, let the offence pass with the season.
God uses nature to teach us how to live our lives, in each day, morning comes and gives way for noon and noon gives way for evening. Just the same way time comes and goes, let offence and issues in your life follow suit.
No matter, the sun in the noon, evening comes with it calmness.
If you can build your marriage after that pattern, you will forever be at peace and also you will live very healthy life.
Living in offence is the most backward life any one can live, it is allowing satan to trap you to a season, though you are in the evening, you cannot enjoy its glory because you are still trap to your morning.
Every season has its own glory.
God gives you days not years. It is days that make up years.
Your life is lived on a daily basis so; never allow offences in your life from anyone more than a moment.
A day offense that is not allowed to go with the moment can rob the entire marriage of its happiness and togetherness.
If you can be far from offense, your marriage or relationship will not only be endurable but enjoyable.
If you are not a quick forgiver and you are intending to get married, first, start working on your forgiveness level and keep the intention to marry aside because, that is the major ingredient of a successful marriage. Marriage is the coming together of two givers and two forgivers.
These are the secrets that keep the wine in your marriage fresh forever.